Sometimes when you have a boyfriend you fall head over heals in love. Other times you wonder Did I  jump into ithis too fast? But  u  end up sticking  around for the romantic roller coaster just for the hell of it.

Most of the time when you hook up with someone its just for fun.. you don't want anything serious because you don;t want to be tied down. That works for some ..not so much for others.

But what about the inbetweens?..You know..the ones who don't have the title..yet  are bound to one person  and one person only. These people won't tell you they love you.. they won't invite you to meet their friends.. It seems like a waste of time and energy. You start to think to yourself..wow i could be with my soul mate right now what am i doing with him....(if you're a guy ..her).


    So tell me whats so wonderful about finding mister wonderful?
oh yeah. now i remember. its the feeling you get when u see their s/n pop up on aim. Its the comfort you feel when they are holding you sooo tightly in their arms. When they whisper they love you in that cute little way they do.
Lately everything seems awkward. My life feels un balanced , its like im missing this huge part of me. Maybe it isn't so much that i need a boyfriend.. but that i want one. Boyfriends are only good if you catch the right one. I tried the approach of waiting around for months upon months.. it doesn;t work. It turns out if a person wants to be with you they will try everything in their power to put other feelings aside. I on the other hand couldn't find that. I wasn't important enough. I was just a piece of cloth filling in the void until something better came along. Well i'm sick of it and i will not be treated like some kind of play thing! I am an impressionable girl with feelings that need to be tended to. If you can't see that then i'm not sorry. Its you that should be sorry.
--THE INBETWEEN.

i must admit.. i'm extremely dissapointed about tonight
it was my last chance to hold on to the little bit of faith that was left . next time i go to a psychic i should do a full background check.
WHATS TAKING SO LONG
UHHHHHHG.
IM IN A BAD MOOD.
ok thats all.

 I don't know about anyone else..but everytime i have a dream i like to uncover the mystery behind it. Last night i had an interesting dream. It wasn't a good dream.. but it wasn't the type of dream where there was an axe murderer chasing me either. It was a real life experience dream.. gotta love those.It was about the one thing i have been fearing the most yet caring about the least. This dream felt so real, the way i was speaking felt like i had rehearsed it ten times over in my head.I could taste my tears as they ran off my cheek and on to my lips. When i woke up my eyes were dry..yet my emotions were going crazy. The thoughts of "what if? " came into play and it got me thinking ALOT about what i'm doing with this whole situation.
  When dreams like this really get to me i look them up right away. Not today tho, no, today i took time out to rethink my entire plan. When i realized that this dream may not be what it seemed to be..then i went to the dream dictionary. and of course, it was exactly as i wished it wouldn't have been. My deepest fears. the onese that i kept in the back of my mind were now surfacing and i feel like screaming..but i wouldn't dare say anything to this person about it. I want to let things just flow ..but i'm so fed up with going with the flow all the time. i'm a girl who needs to know the plan.
for now i'm just going to take it one step at a time..because if the conversation in my dream was fortelling me how things would go in real life.. i'm not even going to touch on it.we'll leave this one for the stars ...

Having patients is a hard task to overcome.
I know i get antsy when i don't get my way in the matter of three minutes..or less.
However, lately i've had to deal with waiting. I've asked myself these questions many times..how long is too long ? Is it worth it? Should i stop acting like a pushover and just
say something?
 I've had difficulty in the past with this..but usually it never took this long. There are times when i feel like i should just forget about it and move on..but then theres a voice that tells me to keep waiting..it will come soon enough! You know because good things come to those who wait. I'm so sick of that phrase.
 When i get upset this is usually the first problem area my mind seems to go to. Its like its set to go there to piss me off even more than i already am. And let me tell you..it works. Over and over i keep thinking the ..er...event  i'm waiting for isn't happening because of me..maybe it is..maybe it isn't. I have no clue.. i've yet to uncover that mystery and i may never know..but in the meantime i'll wait and be PATIENT.

Every night theres a period between the time i fall asleep and the time i lay there awake just writing stories or poems in my head. I like to think of this as the limbo  of sleep. Sometimes it will be hours upon hours of just invisioning things in my mind..sometimes a brief moment of rhyming. Either way i promise myself the next morning i will log it into  my journal..but for some reason the thoughts never make it onto the paper.
 Usually these are the best stories i've ver created you'd think i'd want to remember these things right?
However there has been this one line that keeps coming back to me every single night..its short and simple but the only time i  remember it is during  the limbo. I'll try and try to give myself hints as to what it is..nothing.Not even a word i can remember from this short 5..maybe 6 lined sentence.Not even a sentence practically a fragment! Why is i  can remember my dreams so vividly..but not this small insignificant line?
I know since i've been thinking about it all day and night it wont come back to me tonight. Hopefully next time it comes to me i'll be smart enough to write it down and share it with everyone.

One lonely,boring night i was talking to one of my good friends. As i was talking to him, i decided i wanted a penguin.Now i am aware that penguins live in the artic and would not adapt well to society in good ol' lodi nj.. but that still didn't stop me from wanting one.The more i thought about the cute cuddly creature..the more i came to realize a penguin would be a wonderful pet.Sure kittens are cute...and dogs are playful..but penguins.. now penguins are a delight!
They would never fly away because..well they can't fly. they don't waddle fast enough to leave the front porch without you noticing and they are actually quit smart.
If you do not want to have a penguin for a pet..then do like me and make them movie stars!
I've decided  that every fil should star a penguin. People are overrated and ask for too much.not penguins.no..they will sit there eat their fish and be merry.Now most people reading this either agree with me or think i;m completely insane either way..

Setting : not too far from here..a place that symbolizes peace and prosperity.(yeah right)

Characters :Marigold , a tiny penguin who is caring and loving to all.
She gets taken for granted all the time and decides she is done!
Darcy, a kaniving self assured idiotic twit who gets everything she wants and more..but she seems to take what is not hers.
Norbert,the main penguin of the story, daring handsome..the works.

The Plot  : A penguinN by the name of merigold finds love for the first time. Norbert is an ice fisher ( like most penguins) and makes a stable living for himself. Norbert is not the brightest of the bunch and Darcy seems to take advantage of this.Darcy is Marigold's best friend although she has everything she wants and more..she reluctantly tries to steal the one thing that marigold has her eye on. Norbert. Norbert starts to fall for little miss Marigold but darcy can not have this. with everything she needs except for a hubby, darcy now has to try to steal norbert away from mari. Just as things start to heat up between the two love birds (lol) Darcy kidnaps marigold and throws her in an abondoned cabin about 7 hours away from her homeland.Norbert searches high and low for mari..and with no luck he realizes he isn't getting any younger and needs to start a family. Marigold has no idea who has done this to her but promises when she finds a way out she will get her revenge. A month later married and about to hatch some kids..Darcy sends a crew to" search" for mari. How clever of her..she knew exactly where marigold had gone off to.. When mari returns Norbert is heartbroken that he did not wait for her. After putting two and two together marigold realizes what darcy had done to keep her from getting norbert. The little penguin then devises a plan.. While darcy is asleep she will take all of her chickidies and send them to an adoption agency with a note saying how she was an unfit mother and cannot handle them. When darcy awakes and realizes her chickies are gone..there will be nothing left between her and norbert because norbert loves mari.
 The night came for mari to try her plan. When she hurried the little penguins off she felt bad but knew it was for the best. Norbert awakes the next morning and looks to his right.. he sees his wife but no chickies...he is uncertain as  to what is going on but awakes his sleeping wife. She wakes up quickly but doesnt seem to care. Norbert is more upset than she is and realizes he hates her and just married her for a family. Since she failed to make him a family he had her taken away and put into an instution for female penguins who couldnt love any one other than themselves..they called this the IFFPWCLAOOTT.  Marigold returned that day to see how norbert was doing ... he looked at her and knew she was the wife he needed. Till this day with 6 chickies and some more on the way..Norbert does not know about the adoption scam.
they are very happy to be together and we are happy they are.
 


see now..this wouldn't work if it was with people...penguins should really be the actors.

  

So much time has gone by since i've made a new blog entry.
i used to write in my blog religiously and looking back, i regret a lot of the things i said and or felt. I was young and immature. So heres a new blog to start off fresh.
This will only be used to talk about issues relating to school / friends and other important things in life.
  It is unreal how fast the years went by, looking back at it all, there are so many things i would have done differently. From the friends i had to the choice of outfits i wore, even to my poor taste in music.Did you ever think how things would be if you did everything backwards? If you didn't fall for the first  guy who you laid your eyes on? If you realized the friends you had were backstabbers before you got hurt? Sometimes i think things would be better, but everything happends for a reason they say, whats done is done and it is in the past. So forget what you regret for now and just live life to the fullest! thats the best advice i can give to everyone for now!